My Life: The Worth of a Mammogram

Posted on November 10, 2011 by kathleenhird

Self-Portrait 2004 Kathleen Hird Kostner ©Hird and Kostner LLC All rights reserved.

The Heart of A Survivor: A Story of Breast Cancer Awareness, and The Power of Mammograms

Twenty years ago on 11-11-91, I sat in that elegantly tufted, wing-back chair. The moment seems like it was just yesterday–the sumptious feel of fine leather with all those shiny brass upholstery nails; each round head carefully nailed to make the perfect tuft. I sank between the wings of the chair, questions racing through my mind as I struggled to control colliding realities. This is really happening. The mammogram showed breast cancer.

Denial crashed through the filmy illusion of my good health. I had always taken good care of myself. I had exercised. This isn’t possible! I was the mom who ground her own wheat and baked bread and didn’t eat sugar–even in the 1970′s. How did this happen? I’m only 42? Why? Did I do something to myself to cause this?

The office surrounding that wing-back chair suddenly became vividly surreal. The room began to spin with over saturated colors and exaggerated shapes as I listened to my doctor explain that the biopsy of my right breast showed the early stages of a particularly virulent and aggressive form of breast cancer.

That luxurious wing-back chair suddenly felt like a prison cage. In that instant, I understood its purpose: the wing back keeps the person from falling over when the curve ball lands in the gut. I can still feel the smooth, damp leather as my fingers gripped the upholstery nails hammered in a circle at each end of the chair’s arms; the sweat poured out of my palms; would this damage the leather, I wondered? Quickly, I wiped my hands on my pants. Then it happened in a split-second. A paradigm shift in awareness; where, in one moment things are one way, and in the next moment, things as I knew once knew them would never again be the same.

Penetrating the dense fog of denial swirling in my mind, trumpeting like a clarion in the night, I heard these chilling words: Waiting is not an option. You need to do something right now before this has a chance to spread.

Intuitively, for at least 6 months prior, I had known that something was amiss— this odd nudging began whispering in my mind. It was a daily, insistent, and unrelenting thought that floated in and out of my awareness: Go–get a mammogram–now, don’t wait. “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,” I pushed back. “I will. But first, there is so much to get done for my busy family and my business. I just don’t have time right now. Later, I will.” I always had a really sound reason why other things and other people were more important than me. And, with each time I pushed out that nagging thought, the quiet nudging grew more intense–I now know that “nagging” intuitive thought saved my life. God was knocking on my door.

Fear pierced the core of my heart at the sound of those words, don’t wait. Oddly, in that precise moment of truth, I became very calm. The surrounding room suddenly became intensely vibrant, crystalline, and sharply focused. I’ve heard this called the ring of truth–much like hearing the sounds made by a finger circling the rim of a leaded crystal glass. I heard my truth loud and clear: I had breast cancer–and it wasn’t good. There was no time left for dallying or research. A decision had to be made right now. Talk about being in the moment! Little did I understand at the time, but along with this unexpected curve ball thrown my way, came the gift of courage. All I had to do was step up to the plate. Desperate, I wanted to live.

On that which was my 43rd birthday, I made the decision to do whatever it would take. I chose to have a mastectomy. I knew the odds; clearly, this was my best shot with the current technology. My doctor concurred, and the surgery was scheduled for a week later. As I awakened after the surgery, my surgeon leaned over me with tears in his eyes, kindly took my hand as he said, “You are one lucky lady to have caught this cancer so early!”

It is my heartfelt wish that my story might help to expand breast cancer awareness. There is tremendous power in practicing good self-care, particularly through self-examinations and having mammograms. If you have a feeling that something isn’t right, or if you haven’t had a mammogram, and your doctor encourages you to do so, please make an appointment today! I am alive today because I followed my instinct, took action, and went to the doctor. Time is precious. You are precious.

For more information, please visit www.theheartofasurvivor.com. From this link, you can download my free eBook, The Heart of A Survivor, which tells the story behind my 2004 self-portrait. This photograph honors my journey, traveled since 1991, to overcome and stand strong in the blackness of fear, and to emerge into the brilliant light of life.

With gratitude, I offer humble thanks to God for the profound gift of these past 7300 glorious days. 175,200 hours filled with all the stuff that makes a day; but, with a daily dose of joy, love, and lots of laughter. This is the Gift.

Winter Exercise Motivation: Our Plan To Practice Good Self-Care

Posted on October 15, 2011 by kathleenhird

In our neck of the woods, the winter of 2011 proved wet, windy, and often white–but then, where wasn’t it? Our winter exercise motivation slowly suffocated under the snowy weight of gotta, hafta, oughta, woulda, shoulda that accompanies our carefully crafted daily routine. We fell prey to lethargy, using the cold, driving rain as a seemingly plausible excuse not to walk. Personal accountability, the cornerstone of our precious marriage, began to crumble as conspiritorial excuses cleverly disguised as good reasons pervaded our best thinking. Our focus became why we can’t rather than why we can!

It isn’t easy to start over, again, particularly as 60′ish boomers. We recognize that no longer do we possess the energy and drive of our 20′s and 30′s. This means we must remain adaptable as the landscape of our lives continually changes. It isn’t just us–everyone has been impacted. So, the wheels on our bus go ’round and ’round taking us wherever we can stir the proverbial pot to create more work for our Web Project Management Consulting and Services business www.handk.co.

For small business owners, there is an unrelenting need to promote, seek new clients, be creative, do all the work to run the business, and earn an income. This past year we sat at our computers for many hours a day, often at the cost of our most basic and pragmatic principle to work smarter not harder. Smarter means to find the balance between work, love, and laughter, and to look for the gifts each day! Consequently, it did not take long for a change to begin with our personal health numbers. It was a warning bell to heed. Laughter is good medicine. So is finding joy each day. It doesn’t take much to have a little fun! www.58rsk.com

Stress does funny things to the mind; it destroys movitation and good intentions. Moving the body around expels the negativity, and helps to prevent stress from lodging itself inside the body’s weakest link; moving the body helps I Can grow from I can’t. It is one of the best methods to build self-esteem and takes little effort.

Granted, I’ll give myself a little credit. A couple of times a week, I did get my hiney outdoors to do my aerobics routine, as evidenced by this picture taken during a February snowstorm. But, on those dark days it was obvious: our daily good self-care routine had slowed down to a leisurely half-mile walk with a quick hustle back to the warmth of our homey RV. With dinner on our laptrays, we sank into the nice couch, turned on Internet Streaming TV, and quickly forgot about our after dinner walk. Honestly, it isn’t much fun to go outside when it’s pitch-black and cold, driving rain pelting our faces. What had been our strong daily activity soon trickled to a minimum of effort. When a cold virus moved aboard, we slowed down even more. El Gato simply snuggled down for the winter, buried in the warm, fluffy pillows on our bed. It was March when we began to resurface.

It didn’t take long, and for the very first time in my life, I began to feel old. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me! Inflexibile, I would hobble around after sitting for more than an hour. While I accept that we all have cranky moments, I don’t particularly care for “Mrs. Crankypants”– she is not someone I wish to impose on anyone else, especially such a nice man as my husband! When I hurt, I’m cranky. I needed to get my hiney out of the chair and move myself. Otherwise, the handwriting was on the wall: it would not be long before I could not. There was no one to blame. I just needed to change my thinker.

By the end of April, I’d had it with the constant sitting and non-stop working. What was I thinking, anyway? I certainly know better. This isn’t what either of us signed up for, particularly while living this nomadic RV lifestyle. Granted, these 8 big wheels certainly have allowed us the freedom to work wherever we are, and to be able to travel wherever there is work. While there are many benefits to this, if I don’t pay attention, the word sedentary lifestyle suddenly appears in my vocabulary. It happened when I took the Realage.com test: Describe your lifestyle, active or sedentary. There it was. The numbers simply told the truth. I was not a happy camper.

“Certainly, there isn’t anybody keeping me in the chair but me,” I explained to my co-pilot compadre, El Gato. He was most happy at the sudden change of events; that meant he had the entire chair to himself while basking in the warmth of the early morning sun.

I know what it feels like go to my doctor’s office, to sit in the elegant and beautifully tufted, burgundy leather, wingback chair, and to receive really ”bad news.” I also know what it takes to be the come-back kid. Which would I choose? I was given the gift of more time. Would I squander this precious gift of life? It wasn’t too late.The solution was obvious. I made a decision. With gentle baby steps, above all else, I decided to focus a little more of my energy and attention towards nurturing myself, my husband, and our marriage. Our work is the by-product of doing what we love. We made the decision to let go of lame excuses like there isn’t enough time or we’re too busy. I remind myself that busy is a four-lettered word best left to other folks more qualified to use it.

Our personal philosophy, be the best I can be and I bring out the best in you, goes a long way towards practicing good self-care. How odd that the slower we go, thoughtful and mindful of ourselves, the more we accomplish with each day; usually, all that really needs to be done–what a radical concept!

We started walking with the goal of moving ourselves at least a mile per day. But my goodness, I noticed that suddenly my feet hurt. I learned that it’s a good idea to replace walking shoes every 600 miles. Hmmmmm, ours were 6 years old. We took action! The new shoes made a huge difference. We didn’t realize how much our old shoes had inhibited our desire to walk any kind of distance.

Our picnic table is the perfect place to workout while using the weight of the body for those core body and fully functional fitness exercises. We started doing the plank, but could only do 15 seconds at first. Phew! Each week, we added a few more seconds to counterbalance the effects of sitting in front of a computer. Our granddaughter could do it for 60 seconds, inspiring us to push a little more each week until we could, too!

In early June, we spent what could have been boring two week trip for coach repairs and service! Our RV had to wait–with us in it– in an industrial parking lot. Not willing to twiddle our thumbs while awaiting our turn inside the bus barn, this area suddenly became a great place get out and walk to the quaint small town. Along the way, we discovered several nearby walking trails! Armed with my cell phone, a good GPS pedometer app from www.livescape.mobi , and listening to great walking music from www.kellyhowell.com ,we began to walk twice a day. Always holding hands, we worked our way up to 3 miles a day. I felt like we’d climbed Mt. Rainier that first time! What an accomplishment! Along the trail, a fellow stopped to thank us for holding hands, and said, “You give me hope.”

With the right shoes on our feet for hiking, biking, running, or speed walking, we look for reasons to get out and move at least 3 times a day for 15 minutes or more. Last month, we walked 77 miles, and I jogged an additional 20. This week, we’ve averaged nearly 4 miles per day. This is our best Health Savings Account(ability). My contribution to our healthcare crisis is me taking excellent care of me. That way, my husband does not need to fret about me,and because he takes excellent care of himself, I do not need to fret about him. Our health numbers speak the truth about how we’re doing–really.

El Gato has the best routine down-pat. No matter what the weather, he goes outside for a small critter check, sharpens his claws on his personal persimmon tree branch, and then comes back inside to rest, eat and sleep before going to work again. Pretty simple, he is our best personal trainer! This year, I’ll join him outdoors!

Everything kind of falls into place if I practice good self-care. No one else can do this for me. As the winter of 2012 approaches, we began a healthy, winter exercise motivation routine: after dinner, we bundle up, grab the flashlight and go out to walk and talk about the day. While holding hands, we ask, “What was the best part of your day?” A nice way to honor and show respect, this simple ritual helps us to remember the good in each day–in spite of what might have happened earlier; and, it helps us create a lifetime built from happy memories together. Celebrate the gift of one more day!

For more information, visit www.hirdandkostner.com or www.purepotentialllc.com

Walk The Walk of All My Talk: Protect Medicare Benefits

Posted on October 10, 2011 by kathleenhird

: Protect Medicare Benefits Squawk or Act: Which Will It Be? Walk the talk.

It is so easy to complain about things not being the way I want them, which, in turn, begs the question: What am I willing to do to protect Medicare benefits for our Senior population? After a lifetime of contributions to this country, it is just wrong to reduce benefits for our elders.

If I am busy pointing my index finger for someone else to fix things, and if I am squawking like a wet chicken about the injustice of it all, no good can come of this. Worse yet and quite possibly, I am also ignoring those three fingers which are pointing right back at me–the ones that are perfectly capable of taking some action!

Recently, I challenged myself to use my voice when I heard myself complaining about the current plan underway to reduce Medicare benefits which will negatively impact many folks I love, and people I’ve never met. This is the great wisdom pool of The United States of America.

I wrote a heartfelt letter to my Kansas Representative, Tom Sloan. He kindly suggested I contact my Congressional Delegation as they are the ones who have the vote. Right there, I realized how little I truly know about my own government. Embarrassed by my ignorance, I then had to go online to find out the names of my Senators.

The word responsibility is easily defined: able to respond appropriately. That means taking an action so I called myself out on the carpet, and I sent them this letter.

Something has to change–somewhere. Our country is hurting. If I want to be the change I wish to see, then here I go. This is for my grandaughters and their future children:

Honorable Senator,

I am forwarding to you the email I sent to my Rep.Tom Sloan last week on the topic of protecting Medicare benefits. He indicated this needs to go to you.
Respectfully,
Kathleen Hird Kostner

The letter written October 5, 2011
It has taken me a few years to find my voice. Now, I’m going to use it. If I’m going to complain about the Obama administration “talking the talk but not walking the walk,” I must be willing to do the same. It’s easy to open my mouth to complain; it is another to take action. You find me on your virtual doorstep today because I can no longer be silent. Ostriches do not have a voice or a vote. I do. And, you are my voice. I want you to protect Medicare benefits for our elders. I want to inspire you into action.

This month, my husband signed up for his Medicare benefits. Only yesterday, I helped obtain the Medigap supplemental insurance for his upcoming birthday. This morning, I received an email which indicates there is a quite a brouhaha in Washington over reducing Medicare benefits, particularly raising the eligibility age: “Yesterday, lobbyists for hospital groups around the country descended on Capitol Hill with one mission: convincing the supercommittee to cut Medicare benefits for future retirees”.

I can no longer play ostrich. My husband and I are citizens who are accountable to ourselves and to our marriage. We practice good self-care. We are ordinary folks who are not expecting a government hand-out to take care of us. What we want are the benefits my husband and I agreed to contribute towards over a lifetime of hard work. We expected our government to protect our investment into this great country.

Financial times are tough for everyone. This contraction caused by the economic downturn also deeply impacted our business as creative artists. We seek work from wherever we can across this country. What did we expect with an economy fueled by grasping greed? That more is better? Expansion and contraction, it’s pretty simple science. Walking our own talk, Ric and I have done our part to reduce consumption, change our lifestyle, and make the word frugal a pragmatic and prudent choice. We know that in order to survive our golden age, our financial circumstances will require that we continue to work for as long as we are physically able. We wish to contribute towards our nation. The benefits we are supposed to get will not be enough. It isn’t just us—it’s happening to most everyone. What a lot of younger folks have overlooked is that this will happen to them, too! Certainly, I, too, was one of those younger folks who played ostrich all those years. Now, this is on my doorstep.
Gandhi once said “Be the change you want to see.” These words have nagged at me ever since, reminding me—often uncomfortably—to ask myself what am I doing to be the change? This past year, I decided I could talk about this concept of practicing good self-care and what that really means. Teaching our nation how to practice good self-care is the solution to our current health care crisis.
How can I inspire a nation of people who demand the freedom to eat whatever they want, how much they want with complete and total disregard to the effect upon their health and the dire subsequent consequences of those actions, not only to themselves but upon our country? Someone has to pay for that freedom. Let’s not make our elders be responsible for those choices.The freedom of those choices have consequences which are physically killing both the people and the economy of this great nation.

Next month, marks my 20 years as a breast cancer survivor. In addition, I have overcome the deadly effects of Crohn’s Disease by dramatically changing my diet and my outlook. To survive this long requires me being accountable to me. The gift of life that I have been given is the result of excellent medical help coupled with my willingness to do what it takes every step of the way to live my very best life. Our philosophy is simple: be the best that I can be, and I bring out the best in you.
I want my country—the United States of America, the land I am SO proud of to be a citizen—to reflect this philosophy. I expect my government to be accountable to our citizens.
You are my voice. I elected you to speak for me. You have been empowered by the people of Douglas County Kansas to be the change we want to see in our great nation. It is not too late. I can no longer be silent. Please do those things which must be done to protect the sacred lifelong investments of our elders: past, current and future.
With the greatest respect offered to you, your office, and the Government of the United States of America,
Sincere and Heartfelt Regards,
Kathy Hird Kostner

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” — Goethe

What Does It Mean To Practice Good Self-Care?

Posted on October 9, 2011 by kathleenhird

What does it mean to practice good self-care? An action of respect and love, it is a mindset towards the self. This practice means I take good care of me. No one else can do it. Of course, in my perfect world, I would have emerged as a baby with a care and feeding instruction manual! Since I have not seen any manuals, it is sitting squarely upon my own proverbial plate.

Bringing about change starts with a willingness to put myself out there. It is my desire
to share what has worked for me in hopes that my words might plant some seeds of inspiration.

Good self-care appears to be a timely topic with this growing national healthcare and economic crisis.However, this is not a political forum. My journey to learn how to practice good self-care is very personal.

In 1991, my 43rd birthday present was the news that I had a particularly aggressive and virulent form of breast cancer; it appeared the best route for survival was removal of my affected breast. I have been given the sweet, precious gift of 20 more years of life. The realization that I am alive today that I can say those words brings tears to my eyes. In 2001, the diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease brought about yet another life change. I had to learn how to eat to live.

My journey is about overcoming life’s occasional curve balls–the ones that simply knock a person to the knees–including those detours and obstacles that I’ve placed in my own path. One thing I know for certain: Whether by my own hand or by fate, I am the common denominator in each of my experiences.

I was that so-called superwoman who believed she could do everything for everyone
else. The price tag became my life hanging in the balance. I was writing
checks my body could not cash. Everything was fine…really, it was! Fine became my own personal four letter “Fxxx” word. However, time changed in dimension as the decades of an unhappy life flew past the window of my heart. I made a decision: To learn how to live within my body. There was only one requirement: I had to learn how to do no further harm to myself. This way of life sounds pretty simple. It is. I’m the one who complicates things.

Ever so slowly, I have evolved into a woman who absolutely cherishes this very
precious moment of time as I type these words. As I speak my truth to you, with
love from my heart, the understanding has only taken a few, short years–60 or so.

My road of thought, paved with the stepping stones of gratitude, has turned into an expedition to my very essence. Profoundly grateful for my life, deep within my heart there is an enduring belief that my so-called detours can be shared for the greater good.

I shall endeavor to act upon Gandhi’s call to action: “Be the change I want to see.” And, so it begins with me. It’s a challenge to reach in and find my voice. But, it’s even scarier to use my voice. No sudden flash of brilliant insight brought me to this point; rather, for a number of years, these thoughts have percolated in my mind until this week when I wrote a letter to my legislators about our healthcare crisis. With the words I wrote came this gnawing realization: if I’m going to ask my government to walk the walk after all that talk, then, I, too, must walk my own talk.

As my gift of time passes, you will find me right here. This is the action that I can take. It begins with me. The formula is pretty simple:”Be the best I can be and I bring out the best in you.” Take good care of you today. You are your own best gift.